Golf can seriously damage your health!
Recently I decided to take up golf. I figured it was the best way to:-
1/ get myself out of my studio
2/ get some exercise and fresh air
3/ make new friends
What I didn’t take account of was the effect on my mental health!
My Mum and my father-in-law are both keen golfers so you’d think I’d have known better.
Golf is a game after all……….first BIG mistake!
‘They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.’
~Gardner Dickinson
I learnt very quickly that golf is NOT a game. Indeed it is a very serious business. It is played in strict order and at a rapid pace. If you are contemplating taking it up, do not imagine like me, a leisurely stroll in which you can pick the odd daisy or watch rabbits gambol.
‘If you want to take long walks, take long walks
If you want to hit things with a stick, hit things with a stick.
But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.’ National Lampoon
Here are some other things I’ve learned so far. In no particular order.
Playing a round with hubby!
Husbands do have a tendency (albeit kindly) to let you know what you’re doing wrong quite a lot. You really don’t need an explanation of why your ball is.. in the lake/sand or on the main road! They also nearly always out- drive you (usually in completely the wrong direction) but this still can be most infuriating.
If you value your relationship then a few simple rules need to be established. We’ve found it
1/ Helps not to say anything negative. In fact, probably best not to say anything at all! Even well meaning praise can be misconstrued.
2/Helps to try not to analyse every shot when you get to the 19th, (or home, if it has been a really awful round and it is too embarrassing to go into the clubhouse for a drink.) One person doing this is tedious but two and you require extra wine!
Don’t forget to carry a large box of tissues. These come in handy for muffling uncontrollable sobs as you try to hack your way out of the undergrowth and will also remove smudged mascara!
‘Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.’
Always pretend that that you are having fun.
A fixed grin is an absolute necessity. If you get really expert you can even fool yourself as well sometimes!
The game of golf seems to me rather like having a baby…somehow you manage to forget the pain and end up doing it all over again. But….
‘If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.’
So how do you play golf and stay sane? Answers on a postcard please!( no seriously.. please leave your comments in my guestbook.) All help appreciated!
More great golf humour at
www.golfun.net
Golf can seriously damage your health! (6 Jul 2006)